For My Brother

the  love and  light we seek  the words we do not need to speak
the love and light we seek the words we do not need to speak
When my eyes open in the morning I think of you, sometimes I linger there with my head on my pillow and remember you; remember you in the garden of our youth, our childhood and all our dreams. I see you in my mind’s eye and feel the stabbing pain of loss anew. Time heals all wounds, they say, but it’s hard to believe, no it’s impossible to believe because the wound, this wound of aching loss can’t be healed ever, because the wound is the hole left in our heart and in our lives, the hole left by your departure, and I feel the pain every day.

When the sun begins to descend during the late afternoons and lies at an angle, I think of you and the tears run like raging rivers down my cheeks because I feel the awful pain of missing you, the aching hole of emptiness stabs and pierces anew. I wish you were here, I wish we’d never left the garden of our childhood, the garden of our dreams, our happiness and joy, when the world was something we never knew, God knows I wish you were here.

One day maybe I’ll understand the reason for this cruel twist of fate, but whether understanding will heal the wound I don’t know, can’t see it because the wound is your absence from my life. I miss you and feel my loss every day. And I never want to stop missing you, because you are as real to me today as you were yesterday as you were before you left us grieving and feeling this emptiness.

Yes, may God bless and keep you, keep us forever tied and tuned into who you are,  who you were in life, and how you lived your life true to your mantra, true to yourself, free of the suffocating falsehoods that dictate and break. I love you and there’s no end to my deep and abiding respect for somebody so true and beautiful as you.

 

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2 comments on “For My Brother

  1. Those words to your brother are beautiful. I keep reading them as I still feel the pain of losing my brother so young. Would he have had a family? Would I have more nieces and or nephews. Time doesn’t heal the wound but it does allow you to learn to live with the pain. I miss lots

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    • yea, a pain that nobody can understand, nobody except those of us who’ve felt that part of ourselves and our hearts ripped raw and to shreds with the pain of loss of one we love in the purist and most sacred way. yes, a loss so profound that leaves us with a sense of utter despair and helplessness, which time – this life time- seems to perversely make so much harder to endure because it’s ongoing- yea- big love Janene,

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